Counseling - A Three Stage Procedure

This is a simple three stage approach to counseling. This is a process to use when someone comes to you for help with a problem or wants to discuss something. It's for "normal neurotics like you and me" and not to deal with people with serious psychiatric disorders.

It does not give advice (a mistake in any kind of counseling). If you stick to this approach you will not harm anyone and probably do much good.

Stage One: Listening

Listening means being able to comprehend the message as well as the emotions that go with it.

Cerebral comprehension isn't enough.

Do not make statements that defines the issue or the other person's feelings. Ask instead. Don't say, "You're feeling . . . " but instead, "Are you feeling . . ? ". It's not, "The issue is . . ." But instead, "You think the problem is . . ." " or "The way you see it is . . . ". At this stage it may be enough to say "uh-huh" or nod your head.

The stage is over when the person begins talking about the causes of the problem. You'll know you've achieved success when you receive the agreement of the root of the problem and what the person feels about it.

Stage Two The second stage is Exploratory listening

When the person speaking to you is comfortable, they'll then move onto deeper things. At this stage you can start asking exploratory questions. Inquiring if they've experienced this before; What they have tried to do in similar situations and whether or not it worked If there are any other thoughts and feelings that are taking place for them. You can, if you can clearly see something, offer observations of what you are seeing. Examples include, "You seem happy/sad/angry . . ." and so on. Even here it is probably more appropriate to ask questions rather than make a statement.

The key issue at this point is to stay connected to their feelings in the way they are experiencing them.

If you aren't able to do this, let them know and don't make it appear like it. It could be something like, "Sorry, I can't handle this right now." They'll appreciate this more than pretending (and they'll be able to tell if you are just pretending).

This phase is finished when the issue is seen differently and a different perspective is achieved.

Stage Three: Trying Different Things

When they begin to see things differently, they may begin to think about things differently, or at least make plans to.

The temptation when anyone is contacting you with an issue is to try and jump into this situation quickly. This is a mistake. The only thing that is required is the moment to examine what's going on and to see it from a different perspective.

At this point, you may make suggestions of what has been successful for you.

Don't be enticed by the phrase "Yes But . . Teen Counseling Articles . ".

If they give reasons that your suggestions aren't working Don't debate. Instead, ask them what they have tried, why it didn't work, and what they could do differently next time.

It is possible to arrange the possibility of them checking with you regularly so you can keep track of how they are doing with their new way of doing things.

This stage ends when they try out new behaviour with you or when they have a plan of the new behaviour they want to share with others.

This is mostly about listening.

The other person will always know more about their situation than you do.

Do not give advice on what to do. In the third stage you may wish to say what has worked for you when you've had to deal the same issue.

With a bit of practice, you'll be able to become proficient very quickly in this area. You may well become someone people come to 'for advice'. So long as you adhere to this procedure, and don't offer advice, you will do lots of good and aid many others.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *